The Fine Art of Bullshitting
I see all too many people abusing this venerable art, largely out of ignorance as to its true utility.
How Not To
First of all, you have to understand, BS is a limited-use tactic. Do not attempt to BS your way through an entire term without doing any of the assigned reading/experiments/etc. Things like final exams do not often respond well to the BS technique. All too often the little details trip you up, as when some inventive soul wrote a midterm for me correctly suggesting that Cooper's character, Natty Bumpo, represents the untamed wilderness. Clearly this was someone who listened to parts of discussion that day but never read the actual chapters assigned, because this person also called Natty Bumpo "her" and "she". This was dead wrong, though in such a refreshingly amusing way that I almost let the student off with a D instead of an E just for making me laugh.
When To
BS is a stopgap measure. It works for such things as informal response papers and class discussion when, for whatever reason, you haven't had time to do the reading for that particular day. In such isolated instances, judicious use of BS will prevent the instructor from suspecting (too strongly) that you didn't do the work and asking you embarrassing questions in class. You will gain good marks for that day/paper, the instructor won't have to deal with the incredible frustration of listening to a student admit, boldfaced, that s/he didn't think enough of the class to make time for the assigned work, everyone will be happier.
How To
The technique you want goes something like this. Read the first and last paragraphs of each story/chapter. If you're reading essays, you may wish to also read the first sentence of each paragraph. This will give you a vague idea of what the material is about. Then, when class discussion starts raise you hand at the earliest opportunity. Most instructors start such discussions with general questions about themes or theses. Offer your observation of whatever the story/essay seems to be about, based on the beginning and end--keep it general. Most instructors, wanting to spread participation around as much as possible, will accept this and ask someone else to elaborate on it.
Sometimes, of course, an instructor will ask you to elaborate on it yourself. This is why, to make BS truly work, you have to be able to think on your feet. Refer back to the beginning and end for inspiration; referring to the book strengthens your appearance of having done all the reading. If you can't extemporize, do a little foot-shuffling and admit shyly that you had a little trouble figuring out what the author was trying to get across. Most instructors will take pity on your supposed denseness and call on someone else.
If you don't want to risk looking dense, do the reading.
You will note, I hope, that I keep saying most instructors will respond this way. Every now and then you will get someone who is either extremely helpful or extremely not. The result is similar--this instructor will keep after you trying to either help you make sense of the text or trip you up long after another would have passed on. If you wind up in a class with one of these types, do the reading.
You may now be wondering how you're supposed to BS in my class, since I'll spot it if you follow this model. Well, there's the trick of it, the trick that will make a lot of instructors let this model go even if they know perfectly well what you're up to.
There's utility in it for me, as well as for you.
It doesn't make a difference to me whether the person who starts off our discussion has done the reading or not. I still have what I want--a suggestion of the story/essay's theme/thesis. That is why I'm willing to mark whoever suggests it with a good participation grade for that day. If you choose never to do the reading assigned for that day, thus most probably sinking yourself on the exams, that's your problem not mine.
Good luck.
First Posted: 3/17/2002
Last modified: 08/23/08
